Letters
by D'quer Jyi-Weil
Summary: It is hard being alone when everyone else is together,' Hagrid thinks one night, over a cup of tea. Letters from an admirer lift his spirits, but after meeting, he understands why this admirer penned, 'It may kill us both to be anything but apart.'


**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Harry Potter, or any related characters. If I did...I'd be at work on the 7th book and would already know that outcome of the story. Sadly, I don't, and therefore, I do not own it. 

**A/N**: This story takes place before the 6th book. So...anytime between Harry's 4th and 6th year at Hogwarts. This was written for the Oddities challenge at FictionNET, and that is the reason for this strange, strange pairing. And thankyou to Tayz for betaing. Enjoy!

* * *

Being Keeper of the Keys at Hogwarts wasn't difficult. Heck, _teaching_ at Hogwarts wasn't difficult. But…sometimes…well, it just got rather lonely. Hagrid contemplated this over a cup of cherry tea and a plate of treacle tart. It wasn't that he didn't like his job…no, that wasn't it at all. He took another swig of his tea. And he was awfully grateful to Dumbledore for letting him stay at Hogwarts. It was just that, well…bloody hell…it was just that it was hard being alone when everyone else was together.

Harry started dating a Hufflepuff girl, Lucy Damon (who didn't like half-breeds very much. In Hagrid's opinion, she should be in Slytherin), and consequently, Harry didn't stop by much anymore. Ron and Hermione came to see him occasionally, but they bickered so much that he tired of them rather easily. Hagrid sighed into his empty teacup. It seemed to him that no one cared if he came or went.

Sullenly, he carried his cup to the stove for a refill and his eyes fell on a stack of letters tucked behind his spare teapot. Except, he thought, maybe there is one person. He brought the letters with him to the table and dug to the bottom of the pile. The letters had started coming about 4 months ago, sometime around Halloween. Hagrid opened to unmarked envelope and reread the first letter again.

_Hagrid,_

_I feel it is appropriate to express a long felt sentiment to you, near the holiday that best suits you, other than International Magical Creature Appreciation Day. Seeing as that holiday is in April and I have hidden my thoughts for so long, my judgment says that Halloween is a suitable time. I admire you greatly and have for sometime. Society and status have required me to act as though I do not. I apologize now for any pain my words or sneers may have caused you. Let my façade fool you no longer._

_Vera Suspense_

In the days that had followed, Hagrid had searched the school wildly for Vera Suspense, but he had no luck. The prospect of someone –_anyone_- admiring him excited him greatly. He wanted to find her…meet her. And maybe, just maybe she wouldn't be put off by his mediocre grammar and clumsy habits. Then they could have tea, talk, laugh, and maybe he would admire her too. And maybe…it would be wonderful.

He never found her, but she didn't disappear. He received another letter from her at Thanksgiving.

_Hagrid,_

_I am thankful for I see you everyday in the Great Hall. I am thankful that you are always smiling and happy. If you were in pain, I would bleed._

_Vera Suspense_

Again he searched and again his search revealed nothing. Christmas came, and he held no hope of actually finding her. But, he did sit down at his kitchen table one evening with a quill and piece of parchment. In the hand of a child, he scrawled as carefully as he could, _Dear Vera_. The letter never continued.

Many nights he stared at those two words, trying to force his quill to form words…any words. But the ink always dried on the nib. Fang always grunted to him from the hearth and sullenly. Hagrid stashed the unfinished letter and retired to his bed, completely disheartened and unsatisfied.

At New Years, he received an especially long letter: twenty-one inches by his ruler. Most of the letter meant little to him. Vera revealed to him her philosophies, thoughts, and disappointments on topics he was not extremely fluent in. But, the last section touched him in a place no one had ever touched before. As he read it, it seemed as though every bit of him softened and he couldn't help but smile.

_Genuinely, I cannot express my sentiments towards you. To say words do no justice would be an injustice. I only can hope that you respect the distance I keep. I keep it only for your sake. It pains me to be from you. My theory is that it may kill us both to be anything but apart. I do not want you to hurt, and so I sacrifice my wants. Hagrid, please understand._

Those words…those words that told of a pain inflicted for his sake gave him the courage to write his letter. He knew now that while he may not match her finesse, fluency, and poetic structure that he could match her honesty. And he would.

_Dear Vera,_

_Thank you for the letters. As you most likely know, I am not the most learned of men. You do seem wise with all the words you use to talk about all the things you know. I do wish to know you, and, by Merlin, would I like to learn from you and about you. You do seem to know a great deal about me. I beg you, don't answer in riddles; you'll confuse a poor fellow._

_Hagrid_

The next morning, he left the letter tucked under the corner of his doormat. That's where Vera left all her letters. Hagrid would only hope she'd find his. The letter remained on his stoop for eleven days. Then it was gone.

Three days later, another was in its place: Vera response.

_Hagrid,_

_You cannot imagine how my heart jumped and flipped when I found your letter. First, I swear to you that I will refrain from riddles (and puzzles even though there was no specific request.) Soon, my friend, you shall have the tools to decipher them with ease. As for myself, all you must know is that I am a comrade and admirer, and in some cases, a coward. You must forgive me for the latter. It is in my nature. I have enclosed a short book that I think you will enjoy. Write to me of your thoughts - of the book, the world, all creatures, or life. I have long imagined what they are._

_Vera Suspense_

That night, Hagrid read by candlelight, ignoring Fang's grunts. He felt as thought he must thoroughly absorb every word in Healing Potions for Miscellaneous and Dangerous Magical Creature before he could write Vera a proper response. He absorbed until his vision became blurry and his head ached. The routine was repeated nightly until he felt ready to answer Vera.

_Vera,_

_If you are a coward, then my name is "fool." I did not have the courage to write you for a long while. As for philosophies…well, I can only think of one:. Treat all deserving creatures fairly and kindly. I never thought about it much before. What about telling me some of yours? They might give me some ideas. Thank you for the book. It was…_

The letters continued for some weeks, and then he had received none for the last three. In the beginning, he hadn't been worried. Hagrid was sure that Vera was very busy and had other things to do besides write him letters. During the third week, he did begin to worry; it was unlike her. He began to feel alone again.

And that was how he ended up witting in his kitchen, thinking about loneliness. Vera Suspense. She'd made him feel important…wanted. He could barely even describe what she made him feel.

Hagrid slammed his cup down. He would not loose this, not without a fight. Whipping out a quill and parchment, he began to scribble:

_Vera,_

_I want to see you. Meet me on the knoll outside the entrance to the Shrieking Shack in Hogsmeade under the next waxing crescent – eight days from today. Meet me at sunset. Please._

_Hagrid_

More determined than he had ever been, Hagrid rolled up his note and trudged through the February night to the school. His pace became more defiant as he climbed all the staircases to the Owlery. There, he found an intelligent looking raven-winged owl. It regarded him with cool eyes.

'Find Vera Suspense," he mumbled gently. "Find her…do whatever it takes." With a disgruntled hoot, the owl launched itself out the window. "Find her," Hagrid begged the quickly fading shadow.

Six days passed and Hagrid was beginning to give up hope. His stomach flopped when he heard a tapping on his window and saw the black owl perched patiently outside.

Gratitude swelled over him and he graciously offered the owl the largest piece of peanut butter tart he could find. The owl nibbled greedily as Hagrid unrolled the letter.

His heart sank. He saw his own messy writing and desperate plea. The owl had not found her. But wait…just as he turned away from the sheet he noticed a small change. In the bottom corner, two letters had been hastily penned.

_O.K._

Relief washed over Hagrid. She would meet him. _She_ agreed to meet him. She _wanted_ to meet with him. She would meet _him._

* * *

On the day of the next waxing crescent, Hagrid locked Fang up in his hut and set out for Hogsmeade. He had decided to walk, even thought the ground was covered with snow. _Good for the body._ Cold air. _Good for the lungs._ Pristine day. _Good for the soul._ He knew he needed to think to mentally prepare himself for this meeting. What if she didn't like him? What if he made a fatally stupid mistake? What if…

Hagrid was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't notice a shadow creeping around towards the Whomping Willow.

Hagrid trudged cheerfully up the small knoll. Atop this very knoll, he would meet Vera. Atop this knoll, his life would change. He paused mid-step. Was he ready for this change, whatever it may be? Good or bad? Right or wrong? After a moment's thought, he decided that after this was all over, he would still have Fang, Dumbledore, Harry, Ron, and Hermione. He had survived for a great deal of time with less that half those people in his life. He could survive with only them after this, miracle or ordeal. He couldn't decide which word to use.

He surged forward but was stopped by a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach. Hagrid couldn't pinpoint what it was or why it occurred, but it made him want to turn back. Suddenly, his father's voice rang in his ears. Hagrid could even see his father standing on his knees in order to look his son in the eye. _"Son, this may be the most important thing I ever tell you: No matter what you are, no matter what you do…find someone to love and who will love you. It will be the best and most honest thing you can do. And if you forget everything else I teach you…remember this."_

Hagrid nodded in response. He moved forward once again. The feeling was still in his stomach, but he did not stop until he reached the top of that kill. Initially, he saw no one, and his heart sank. It was pretty close to sunset and she wasn't here. He felt as though he were about to collapse when a figure in the shadows of the trees caught his eye. It stepped into the reddening light, and Hagrid felt his eyes bulge.

"Severus?" he blurted. "What are you doing here?"

The other man's face remained completely passive. "I am meeting someone."

A laugh escaped. "What a coincidence! I am too."

"Who are you meeting?"

Hagrid shivered. Was it the bite in Severus's voice or the lack of that caused the shiver? He found himself stammering a verbal answer before he would really grasp his previous mental question. "Uh…it's…a…a…she. And…h-h-her name is…V-Vera. Vera Suspense."

He cringed at the smirk that touched Severus's lips. The smaller man's eyes glinted as he commented. "It seems as though she makes you nervous."

Hagrid paused, his tongue failing him. The Potions master was usually more spiteful…more willing to mock. His previous confusion returned to him, and just as before, his mouth started moving. "The…uh…thought of her makes me a bit nervous."

Severus laughed lightly. "As it should."

Hagrid's eyes narrowed. Where was she? Why was Severus here? "You don't say?"

The distance between them closed and Hagrid started to shift uncomfortably. The arm length proximity was a little too close for his liking. "Hagrid…do you care what this woman looks like?"

"Well…I…uh never gave it much thought. But I guess th-"

"Would her looks matter?" The sudden bite in his voice took Hagrid aback. What was going on?

"No, I suppose not."

"What would matter?"

"Eh, Severus…do you know something I don't?"

"I know a lot of things that you could not imagine."

"Right," Hagrid moved back and seated himself on a boulder pressed up against the tree line. "It's been great…uh…chatting with you Severus, but I am waiting to meet someone. Uh…who did you say you were meeting?"

"I didn't."

"Oh."

"And you were meeting Vera…Suspense, was it?"

"Yeah."

Severus drew his wand out of his robes. "_Exuro a versus_." A stream of orange light shot from the tip of his wand. Hagrid watched as he eloquently traced something into the snow. "Is this how you spell it?" The words forced Hagrid to rise and look. He stayed a good deal away from the other man this time.

"Yeah, that's it."

"Hagrid," Severus said softly, "There is something I must show you. _Praesto verum._" The letters traced into the snow glowed a dull green and proceeded to rearrange themselves. Hagrid watch, mystified, as _Vera Suspense_ morphed into _Severus Snape_. He couldn't speak. He couldn't think. He couldn't move. All he could do was stare at the words. After a long silence, Severus finally spoke. "You are here to meet me, Hagrid."

"I can see that now!" he blurted loudly. His voice had a hard edge to it. Had he bothered to rip his eyes away from the snow, Hagrid would have seen Severus's eyes cloud over, as if someone had just stabbed him.

"Let me explain," he offered slowly, hardly knowing how to handle this.

"You're Vera," Hagrid muttered, shocked. "I cannot believe you tricked me like this Severus. You're getting to be a bit old for pranks."

"This is no prank."

"Sure. Just start laughing. I do-"

"Just let me explain!"

"NO!"

"But Hagrid, you said that you treat all creatures with fairness. Just be fair. Le-"

"I said all _deserving _ creatures. You. Are. Not. Deserving. I don't have to deal with this." He turned on his heel and stormed down the knoll rattling snow off the trees as he went.

"Let me explain!" Severus called after him, desperations swelling in his voice.

"Bastard!" Hagrid bellowed over his shoulder, quickening his step. "Sick bastard." It was a whisper so soft that the trees barely heard. He brushed his hand across his face, fighting back a cry of rage, and smearing what might have been a tear away.

* * *

Hagrid remained in his hut most of the next two weeks. He'd been chasing a lie…a dream…a scam. He felt like the fool most people assumed he was. He hated the feeling. And he hated Vera…Severus for making him feel it.

Somewhere, a very small voice was pointing out that at least he'd made him feel _something._ But Hagrid was a very big man and had a very large mind, and squashed the very small voice almost instantly.

Midway through the third week, he found a letter tucked under the corner of his doormat. Hesitation clouded his senses, but he picked up the letter anyways. It sat on his kitchen table for five days. On the sixth day, Hagrid couldn't stand it any longer. Curiosity had been gnawing at him and he gave into it. Besides, he felt that he owned Ve-…Severus this last bit of time. Not knowing what he would find, he opened the letter.

_Hagrid,_

_Now you see why I said before that it would kill us to be anything but apart. But I thank you, my dear friend. You forced me to conquer to coward within me when I made my way to the knoll that day. I'm certain that it was a giant leap of faith on your part as well. For that and for you, I will explain myself._

_I have always had a fascination with the abnormal. As a child I would collect mutated insects, scarred coins, and anything else out of the norm that I could fit in my pocket. When I came to Hogwarts as a boy, my curiosity and need for unique things rose. I was always required to keep my hobby a secret, though. Given my family's status and the expectations set upon me, this passion of mine was unacceptable._

_And then, during a time in the Great Hall, I saw you for the first time. My Slytherin peers laughed and snickered as you blundered through a meal. My curiosity was spiked. You fascinated me, Hagrid, more than anything ever has. I watched you…feasted upon your uniqueness._

_And then, you were ripped out of my life for reasons unknown to me. I never saw you…and I wanted to be in contact with you. I realize that during our years of schooling, I was nothing but cold towards you. But can't you see it had to be that way?_

_I was ashamed of wanting to see you, not knowing why I did or what it made me. You were a half-breed, a lowlife – or so I'd been taught. Not only did you fascinate me, but you also threw everything I knew out of order. I hated you for it. I threw myself into the most logical of subjects: Arithmacy, Transfiguration, and Potions. I tried to block you out of my life…and then you returned._

_I've continued my charade, but it is only a mask. I have accepted what you have made me. I have accepted my fascination. Nothing would please me more than to stop this charade and –_

Hagrid could read no further. There was a dull ache at the core of his chest. He could only guess that it was the pain of a broken heart. He stared down at the letter. Severus did not know what he'd been writing or thinking, he decided. It was all too much for Hagrid. And besides, even if all these words were true, he and Severus were too different. It would never work.

Fang grunted to him from the hearth. Hagrid stretched and made his way to the dying fire. It flared up belatedly as the paper made contact. Tomorrow, Hagrid decided, he would go back to a life in which Vera Suspense never existed. Tonight, he would sleep.

* * *

In another corner of the grounds, Severus Snape sat in his office with a relaxant potion held tightly in his hand. He murmured a quick spell and the scent of cherries rose from the cup. He began to think. It wasn't teaching at Hogwarts that was difficult, it was being alone when everyone else was together. He doubted that anyone in this school would notice if he were to disap- No. No…there was the possibility that one person…one certain person would miss him. He took a sip of his potion. How he wished he could convince himself it were true.

* * *

**A/N:** So...what are your opinions on the strange pairing? Since it is so strange, was I successful in bringing them "together" or was it completely non-believable. Please be honest with me. Review (and let me know)! 


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